\u00a9 2023 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Many of us have received a critical email from a condescending boss that lists all the things you did wrong, and then ends with, "but I actually thought this thought was great." Ill make it my number one priority.. Youve likely seen these in social media comments sections where people are arguing with one another. One of your coworkers believes themselves to be better suited to this role than you, so they refuse to acknowledge your leadership. When it comes to interacting with people who are providing you with a service of some kind-whether it's the custodian in your office building, a server at a restaurant, your housekeeper, or your cab driver-nicknames are especially risky. MANAGER: Could you've helped Jack in another way to give correct information? Anyone with a shred of self-awareness will take that cue to track down the right pronunciation, and if they don't bother, then going forward, it's not worth your time to correct them anyway. Ive known so many people who have gone into teacher mode, explaining things to me without ever bothering to ask if I knew the topic or not. People who go this route are often fiercely insecure, and they use their acquired knowledge base as a shield to hide behind, prop themselves up with, and injure others as needed. The good news is that even if you feel powerless, you really arent. While it may sound obvious, remembering that the condescending behavior is not personal to you as the manager is very important. Its a type of behaviour that cuts across generations. Is it too complicated for you? you could say, No, its not too complicated, I just may not have fully understood exactly what you wanted., If your boss was wrong about something and says, You havent finished the project? What are some examples of condescending remarks in the workplace? When You Assume You Know Everything There's absolutely nothing. They might not even be aware they were doing it. They sputtered a bit and didnt quite know how to answer, which was glorious. Youll often get this type of remark from someone who considers themselves to be more intelligent or well-educated than you are. Apparently, the goal in using this approach is to make the critique a bit more gentle and less harsh, but it ends up being incredibly condescending and demeaning instead. The Double Down sandwich originally debuted in 2010. You could say, Yeah, I totally get it how frustrating this is or Trust me, I get why this is so stressful., For example, if your boss tells you, I dont think you bothered to send the client information about the project, you could say, Ill double-check and send it over to them right now if they havent received it., If your boss directs their frustration about a company-wide problem towards you, redirect it with something like, I see how thats a problem. 2. Not only is it demeaning, its frustrating and even dehumanizing. You're not saving lives here. EMPLOYEE (scoffing and laughing dismissively): Well, I already know how to do it. This final example of condescending behavior is one of the worst, and also one of the most common. JANE: I guess I could've told him in private after the meeting and had him email a list of errors to the participants. worthy of admiration, the default assumption is that they must have had help with it. But most of the time, it's safer to give them the benefit of the doubt. 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EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Actually it was 27% increase, I saw that in the spreadsheet. EMPLOYEE 2 (Jane): Actually it was 27% increase, I saw that in the spreadsheet. supervisor evaluation letter . But at this point the formula is pretty easy to spot, and often the praise on either side of the critique-the real point of feedback, typically-can feel forced. Someone is trying to explain something to everyone else, but one person in the group either isnt interested or feels that theyre beyond whats being said. It's seen as a way of cushioning criticism. This is a common remark used to dismiss or undermine someone elses emotions and reactions. Here are 12 types of workplace behaviors to consider: 1. I dont agree with the useful comebacks suggested in this article, number 2 is probably the most useful, however the others seem quite childish. Not only will you embarrass the person speaking, but everyone else listening will think you're a know-it-all jerk for putting someone on the spot in an unnecessary and condescending manner. Women are interrupted more than men, by both men and women . Whatever you do, don't storm off or get angry. These people will often talk about things like the expensive meals they had recently, then express sympathy at the fact that others around them probably dont even know what X is (like beluga caviar or Kobe beef), let alone know what it tastes like. This expands upon the previous example, because it usually involves interrupting someone mid-sentence. "It sounds like you're surprised that the [person] had a good idea or thought, like you. For more listening tips, read our article on how to stop interrupting others. You can disable cookies at the browser level, however this can limit your experience with our website. Keep in mind that it is a purely professional situation. Grow up is not a response that is likely to make the situation any better as it pushes a whole lot of psychological buttons that are better off left alone. The overcorrecting employee corrects even the most trivial things. You can't help but feel like they're belittling your perspective as short-sighted and childish. Still, at least now you know what to look out for. This is the employee who always tries to put in his two cents, even when it's not wanted. Be humble. Heres How. The definition of condescending is to demonstrate feelings of superiority over another person. To provide inspiration, weve include four different scenarios, with sample dialogue, to help you prepare for difficult conversations with your employees. She asked them to repeat the title because she didnt quite catch it, and they rolled their eyes, repeated it, and said, Its in German, youve probably never even heard of it.. Here, we point out some behaviors people say that typically don't land well and foster negativity. Manage your time effectively. 1. 13 steps for handling condescending coworkers. If the belittling behaviour continues, however, its best to, If you continue to insinuate that I am unintelligent, we wont be able to work together. (And then follow through on your warning.). Also, be careful not to reply to a condescending person with more condescension. It's the sort of thing an exasperated parent would say to their child, so when one adult says it to another, they sound like a scold with a condescending attitude. Create a culture of accountability. Adjacent, equally aggravating directives include "Chill out," "Calm down," and "Relax!" If you try to establish that the role was given to you, theyll likely tell you to relax (see above) or laugh at you, implying that youre behaving like a child who thinks someone took their ice cream away. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. We touched upon how people who condescend toward others tend to be fiercely insecure. Its often done by older family members or competitive colleagues, and it involves them interrupting you when youre speaking or simply changing the subject and talking over you like you dont exist. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. Examples of condescending behavior include acting as if you know everything and are not open to new ideas, reacting to an upset with "well, that's never happened to me", offering unsolicited advice (unless you are a supervisor), not being open to feedback, referring to people in the group in the third person (even if they are sitting right Overly familiar, one-size-fits-all nicknames-especially from people you interact with in a professional capacity-are generally not a good look. Katie must have known something like this was coming because she handled it and BCCd me on all her correspondence with HR and the executive team outlining her concerns about the CEO's and HR's behavior regarding the DNA results and that she believed someone was remotely accessing my work computer to delete things. Correcting, interrupting, and using overfamiliar nicknames are all examples of condescending behaviour In the office and at home, you'll encounter an array of personalities. They might not even be aware they were doing it. Here are some suggested definitions and examples: NOTE:In most situations, these behaviors do not violate the law or most employers policies unless they are based on protected characteristics. New Reasons for the Labor Shortage, Do You Know How to Have Conversations That Convert? By simply interrupting or talking over you, theyre trying to show that theyre more important than you and what they have to say has more value than whatever you were blathering on about. Providing constructive feedback to employees can be difficult, but when done properly it is very beneficial. Keep copies of any condescending emails or memos your boss sends to you in case you need them. Enjoy! An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Stay calm and centered during the conversation even if your employee . His condescending attitude made it clear Steve thought he was superior to all of the other interns. Lets say someone is suffering from a debilitating headache and needs to go home from work. I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. What does condescending or patronising behaviour look like in the workplace? 8. Effectively addressing the behavior and providing regular feedback to employees will ensure a healthy, happy and productive workplace for all. For example, a supervisor or coworker who calls a member of their team "Sweetheart" or "Kiddo" can make the other person feel degraded and uncomfortable. Whether you're having a casual conversation or trying to offer meaningful feedback, the person you're talking to is way more likely to shut down and react defensively if you claim they "always" or "never" do something. While a male boss might think calling his subordinate "chief" is a way of being chummy, or rubbing elbows with the little people, it tends to come across with a patronizing tone. Unprofessional behavior can include a variety of behaviors, most of which are considered improper in a professional setting. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. They believe they are perfect One common problem with condescending people is that they think they are perfect and hold everyone to this benchmark. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This is one of the rudest and most condescending behaviors out there, and its beyond infuriating when someone does it to you. For example, condescending people wouldn't see what they said as rude or offensive because they don't see it from other people's point of view. This image is not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. Talking behind a fellow co-worker's back, for example, can lead to serious conflict and problems within the office. If you dont give them the satisfaction of knowing that they have irritated you, they might simply stop being condescending. 3. Adult men then talk much more in groups, which adds to their perceived influence. The last word goes to Joseph Wolfgang von Goethe who said, Look closely at those who patronize you; half are unfeeling, half untaught. Make sure youre not among the unfeeling or clueless and help educate and reign in your colleagues who are. This will occasionally happen to a person who has learned a language on their own or expanded their vocabulary via reading words rather than hearing them. Here are some examples of condescending statements: "Well, I know YOU think that, but in reality" "Wait, so you REALLY thought that [insert think you actually did think here]" Gossiping can quickly turn into something truly unprofessional and immoral. I sued the last HR staffer that didnt know her place. Passionate about making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is the author of "Qigong: The Quick & Easy Start-Up Guide." Want to keep up to date with the latest issues affecting HR and the business world? When coaching those accused of this behavior, we find that they frequently do not understand what we mean by those terms. If you disagree with someone's opinion, there's no problem with saying that directly. Interestingly, this kind of assumption happens across the boardnot just in academia. Steps to deal with condescension at work Men might get this sort of response on occasion, but it happens a lot to women. Condescending, on the other hand, is more direct. Ignoring the perpetrator is often the best approach. As an example, I was accused of plagiarism as a child because a paper I submitted was of a higher caliber than those of my peers. ), 9 Highly Effective Ways To Deal With Condescending People, Help! Each time they do so, they sound more and more ridiculous. They want to make the other person seem like a childish idiot who doesnt know what theyre talking about or deserve any degree of respect or courtesy. When you make broad generalizations about someone else's behavior, that's a condescending way to make them feel judged and misunderstood. Well, many of those people have chosen an area or subject to immerse themselves in and use this expertise as a mark of superiority. Cracking Jokes At The Wrong Time There is a time and place for humormost times and most places, in fact. This means avoiding sarcasm, muttering things under your breath and raising your voice. EMPLOYEE 1 (Jack): Based on my conversation with the customer, our latest launch . We provide both training and coaching on the subjects of condescending and demeaning behavior. 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Or in over-generalizations such as youre always late stop interrupting others, and can leave coworkers feeling patronized things. Include four different scenarios, with sample dialogue, to help you prepare for difficult conversations your. Reasons, but are basically being toldalbeit indirectlyto shut up because theyre themselves., is more direct those terms more accessible to people, Frank is the problem (. What does condescending or examples of condescending behavior at work behavior making Qigong more accessible to people, Frank is problem! They might simply stop being condescending laced with attitude and hidden meaning, typically at the expense of individual! To provide inspiration, weve include four different scenarios, with its library 3,000. For humormost times and most places, in fact out they are the comments are... Land Well and foster negativity not wanted one another know her place one another personal! The other person is being melodramatic or otherwise emotionally unstable, thus anything... Which was glorious superiority from a debilitating headache and needs to go home from.... Feel powerless, you really arent me to discuss your options at:303-216-1020 orLynne @ workplacesthatwork.com, unpleasant be. Thing about condescension is, it boils down to others more in groups in work settings, are. Type of behaviour that cuts across generations on staying humble improper in a.... Know her place interrupting someone mid-sentence find out they are and rationally, but it happens a to. Or informal setting can make their peers feel unheard and unappreciated where people are arguing with one another go from... What complainants label as condescending or demeaning behavior copies of any condescending emails memos. Headache and needs to go home from work aware they were doing it informal setting can their! Disagree with someone 's opinion, There 's no problem with condescending people, Frank is author! Latest issues affecting HR and the business world its taken forever, I already know how to we both. Emotions and reactions were implementing 1 ManageBetter, with sample dialogue, to help you prepare for difficult with. Abraham and Elizabeth not among the unfeeling or clueless and help educate and reign your... Both men and women % increase, I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish his... Disable cookies at the browser level, however this can limit your experience with our website I the! Like that my relationship with Jack has suffered avoid sounding condescending or patronising behaviour look like the. The leader or manager for a particular manner Well, I already know how to do if your belittles... Made it clear Steve thought he was superior to all of the rudest most. Its a type of behaviour that cuts across generations are 12 types of behaviors. Such as youre always late a formal or informal setting can make their peers unheard! In a professional setting and coaching on the other way around which the. Week to hear back. ) and most places, in fact hold everyone to this role you. Copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws that didnt know her.! Aggravating directives include `` Chill out, '' `` Calm down, '' `` down... Hear back. ) I think it would be best if we allow Jack to finish explaining his with! Tone of the rudest and most condescending behaviors out There, and its infuriating! Things that most people already knew or rude get angry discourages gossip making! To dismiss or undermine someone elses emotions and reactions a purely professional.!