The glue as our therapist says. Of course my sister feels that he is getting exactly what he deserved, put himself in that position, etc. You are correct that i t does not excuse your cheating, but it does point out where your personal vulnerability was. He feels like he can't win. I felt gutted. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. Worse, I let others judge that for me. No, not perfectly but he COULD have asked for what he needed. I only vent here. Trusting that you have been accurate with your wife's words, I'd like to share a quote from Michael Warner's 1999 queer manifesto The Trouble With Normal, which applies to you more than you . I found a good website on CPTSD, called Strength to Heal, I think. Ughhhh. The 10 signs that your husband is not happy in your marriage 1. I too told him, I know Im nit perfect , nor will I ever be perfect, but you wont find anyone that loves you more than me. Yes, you guessed ittheir husbands. What are some things that you do to try and keep the passion alive and kicking? my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, theres a chance he might not be intentionally ignoring you. If you're spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. Five Lifestyle Rituals to Inspire Monogamy. Strong words eg thanks. Its not shallow to want to be with someone who desires you. I commented on his IG. Ideally before the baby is born there has to be a serious engaged conversation about each parent's roles. It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. In 2006, he experienced his very first bout of acute pancreatitis, which was determined to have been caused by extremely elevated triglycerides. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. The betrayed spouses often like to place more blame on the OW. I cant help but ask myself is it worth it? If youre always demanding his attention, hell likely start to feel suffocated. It drives me totally nuts. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. I have lost a lot of weight and am going to the gym but my husband cuts that down. Oh, I know, EG. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. My dumb self will tag along because "it's at least something". There is one of three reasons . For many years I have silently said to myself (as my husband worked almost 80 hours/week and let vacation time go because he was too busy to take time off), I told myself to hang in there, itll work out at some point. Refusal to go for walks could be signs of an underlying behavioral issue. she willingly goes to counseling but I dont think think she puts much effort towards repairing our marriage. I think the trap your friends fell into was set years ago. One thing I have done in the past is move along too quickly, so I end up in Crap again. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to assist you. Linda claims it was the other two women that were doing all of the complaining (uh, huh) and the core complaints were that their husbands never wanted to do anything and were basically boring stick-in-the-muds. His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. Relationships are challenging, and that includes marriages. I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. 22/07/2018 09:47. Now he helps make the bed every morning or it doesnt get made. Sometimes, codependent people may end up in. It was a little thing, but it allowed you to keep up to date with the important (and, yes, sometimes the not so important) goings on in each other's lives. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Then, really invite your husband to share his experience of what's been happening in the marriage. It IS easy to jump on the band wagon when everyone is picking apart their spouses. For example, if you dont share his love for football, he may feel like it would be a waste of time. No way to win with this guy. What to do if my husband doesn t want to spend time with me? In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. there was a time he was the life of the party and now.I believe he is depressed and has seen his doctor and neurologists for his headaches but no one has told him he may suffer from depression . It was his stress and depression and need for escape. Our social lives can revolve a bit too much THROUGH our kids. the list goes on and on and on. You are so VERY right. 6. First, talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the situation. Do you ever feel that your husband is getting further and further away from you? But before you jump to conclusions, there are a few other possible explanations for why your husband doesnt want to spend time with you. Best wishes Rachelyou have won what is most important to you!!! He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. Travelling alone is a whole new experience and in my experience, you meet people wherever you go. and we started dating. Your email address will not be published. Trash is its own reward. Liz Pardue-Schultz and her husband Greg Schultz Silver Charm Photography Many people in relationships often feel obligated to accompany their partners to events they don't want to go to,. I guess trying to make sure everything here at home was good didnt give him enough responsibility which he obviously needed. 6 reviews of Hilton Vacation Club Scottsdale Villa Mirage "This used to be owned by Diamond Resorts and is now owned by Hilton. Its important to have hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. Besides, Im a fun person and I do like to do sh*t! everything else is just circumstantial, and an excuse. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. As the girls got older, I was looking forward to the two of us having time together again. So Im so happy for you that you have your children. And that choice requires both daily practice and unwavering commitment. What about commitment as a daily choice? My 10 year old son's personality is that he does not want to leave the house to do go stuff. I need to get that back, John and chiff, I need to start feeling good about myself again. Told me why now when he doesnt care. I love to be out and do fun things from traveling to movies to concerts etc. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. If someone's lack of response has become a. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. There will be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost. If you want to close the gap, try making a regular date night where you can focus on each other without distractions. This is separate from and at times in spite of, others around me. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. unless he goes to work doesnt want to go out at all but will sometimes . If he's super passive aggressive or he doesn't like confrontation, this could be his way of telling you that he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. When hes wrinkly, shriveled, and losing his faculties he will know in his heart and probably mind too that he caused destruction. Was he responsible for me cheating on him? I am asking him to step up into a role he has really never (in 26 years of marriage) had to fulfill. Just a little! I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. I couldnt say it better EG. She treated him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward. My husband said you dont know what was going on his life, what he was dealing with, etc. Not even for the kids. Even if youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. Well, if you do your best at something and still FAIL, where do you go from there? He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. Lets face it, we arent children anymore, either have an adult relationship or dont, if you do not want to, then let the other person go so he/she can. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. Plus, itll give you some time to pursue your own interests instead of thinking for hours: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. My husband is retired and never wants to do anything. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. Cuz if he doesn't communicate whatsoever, you're really just communicating with yourself. I hate men like that. Absolutely NOT ! It does not matter to whom you are referring.). You are very emotionally aware, and you are absolutely able to see BOTH sides of things. ALWAYS. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. If your husband is spending more time with friends, at work, or on his hobbies, it might be because hes found someone new to spend his time with. Sometimes I feel like we divorced while staying married. However, some people are just habitually negative and don't understand how miserable they are making themselves as well as the . Last night my husband and sister got into a somewhat heated discussion when she brought up a friend from our hometown that got caught cheating. 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